T-38.
I may exude calmness and 'everythin' is all right' demeanor about our wedding preps but deep inside I am screaming, "Our wedding's gonna be SOOOOO SOON, and I am not yet ready!!!".
It's not just about wedding preparation - the table seating, which we haven't finalised, Dan's DREADED first dance which I haven't figured out yet, and others stuff....
It's just that, I am still not ready to face the CHANGES that's gonna happen in my life.
I am not good with changes. I worry about the changes that those changes would bring into my day-to-day life. I hate all the inconveniences and all the adjustments, like when Dan was accepted at Visa, I cried like a baby (because I won't see him as much anymore). When I first heard Eldee (Dan's sister) would study here, I worried that she would bother us all time. Even the minute things - the bathroom when we moved house, the finger scanner in the office (before, we used card access).
For our upcoming marriage/wedding, here are the changes that I am a little squeamish about:
1. Change of my name title from Ms. to Mrs
- It's just that I feel so old (yes! I am still in denial. hahahah! )
2. Change of my surname from Sia to Chua
- Don't get me wrong, I like Chua. There's nothing wrong with. It's just that it is so hard to let go of my precious father's name that has been with me for 28 years of my life.
3. Change where I should now submit to someone
- To submit to my parents, to the government, to my bosses is natural (but still, sometimes I fail... :( ) But to submit to Dan is such a struggle. Is it because I am the eldest in my family, and he's the middle child? Or because I am months older? I don't know...
4. Change that I should not always think about myself, but Dan and my future kids (if God will provide).
- Because sometimes, I tend to be selfish
T-38, and I am still thinking about all these things!! I don't know what to do but I am convinced that God would get me through me this.
Tonight's Prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank You for bringing us this far in our wedding preparation. As we prepare for our big day, help us prepare our hearts and minds for marriage. As a new season of life unfolds before our eyes, we are confident that You will be with us in each step, as You've been with us all this time. Help us not to worry, not to rely on ourselves but on You. Because we know that You are faithful and You don't change. You are the Author of our lives and all its seasons of changes has been written lovingly by Your Hands. Help us to cling on you always. In Jesus Christ's precious name, I pray. Amen.
