Life has been pretty fast lately. The sad thing is I don't know if I am becoming a better person or not.
Work has been pretty challenging and time-consuming for a while now. And with the remaining time I have, I spend either being in front of my laptop or with Dan, who I love so much, I just want to be with him every time. I am also struggling physically - age is catching up on me and I feel uglier and fatter.
Spiritually, I am so distant from God. I read the Bible less. I do miss my QT often. I do things that I am not supposed to do, even though I know it's written in the Bible. I am so so ashamed of myself. So ashamed that I hide myself from Him.
It's ironic that I am saying (...or writing) all these 2 weeks before my Baptismal ceremony. And i want to quit...not the baptism, but all these slacking and being distracted with earthly things.
I want and I need to be right with God, again. Not just in time for the ceremony, but for the rest of my life.
Honestly, I do miss Him. Let David's prayer be my prayer for tonight...
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
- Psalm 51:10-14
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