A Reminder to Self

On nights that you break down, cry yourself to sleep, wanting and thinking of things not at hand, ponder and reflect on this:

It is harder for us to be grateful for things that we do have. And easier for us to be despondent for things we don't have. Whatever life may (or may not) bring, remember that you are so much blessed (soooo much than you think).

Graciously and wonderfully blessed that you have...

- a perfectly abled body (10 fingers, 10 toes, everything is where and doing what it is supposed to be..this one pa lang winner ka na!)

- a loving family and adorable friends waiting at home

- food to eat, roof for shelter, clothes to wear

- work to keep you busy

- money to spend and share in your pocket

- a boyfriend (di ba? you thought you'll be an old hag)

- ARPC and encouraging pastors and fellowships

- passion and joy for cooking and baking

- work (again?) in Singapore (who would have thought, di ba?)

.....[the list is endless]

And this one, alway keep in mind. Even though one or all of the enumerations above may have gone, most importantly, God had and has you...graciously chosen, mercifully saved and eternally loved.

What more could you ask for? :)

A Bit of Tentmaker's Tale

I have been in Singapore for more than two years, and it is always a big treat every time I go back to my earthly home - Manila. :D

Whenever I am back, a plethora of emotions consumes my heart. In this post, please let the OFW within me (though I cannot still believe I am one :-) ) share a bit of emo every time I come home:

1. Happy. Seeing familiar faces and letting my palate delight on home-cooked Filipino meals, who would not be? :-)

2. Grief/Dismay. Also seeing the 'familiars' and noticing how much deteriorated they have become is such a heart breaker. Urban decay is everywhere. Everything seems not maintained. Even the traffic and pedestrian signal lights do not work. I find myself comparing and wondering why can't the place I love be a lovable place like Singapore.

3. Envy. Every time I meet with friends, I cannot help but feel a tinge of it. Just a call away and they are on the comforts of each other or their families. Likewise, even though they work here in Manila, it seems that they could still afford the things they fancy (like an overseas trip!)

4. Sense of Urgency. Since I always stay here only for a week, I need to be productive every single day. There are doctors to be consulted, friends to be met (hairstylist included), goods to be bought, things and catching-up to be discussed and most importantly, gospel to be shared to my unbelieving friends and family.

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Sometimes, I do wonder...why do I still have to leave? Everything that I desire is here (uhhmm, traffic and flood are exceptions).

But I believe it is not His. God has provided so many avenues in Singapore for me (and Dan) to grow spiritually - our membership in ARPC is one. Also in my heart, I believe there are soooo much to learn first before I settle back here. I still do not know what exactly they are and what are the things I have to go through to learn them, but certainly I need to be prepared and equipped before I come back here for good.

And with regards to my worries here, (well, mostly concerning my family), may God help me lift everything unto Him. He holds everything in His hands. He is in control. Definitely.

Lesson from the Fig Tree

In our DG session tonight, we discussed about Jesus cursing the fig tree. At first glance, it seems really ridiculous - why curse a fig tree that was doing nothing?! And in the first place, figs were not yet in season. So why expect a fruit hanging on the tree's branches?

As we go through the discussion, we learned the deeper understanding behind these passages. First, we understood the botanical nature of a fig tree. During Jesus' times, buds were expected to develop around March. Leaves grew from April to May, and fruits were anticipated around June.

Mark 11:13 says that the fig tree Jesus found was 'in leaf' but found nothing on it. This suggests that the tree was barren - no buds, thus no fruits. In appearance, it seemed fruitful, but in reality it was not.

This struck me the most. Do I, a recently baptized and self-professed Christian, bear fruit as I was expected (and called) to? Yes, I attend the worship services, go to DG sessions (not just 1 but 2 groups), and serve in the Rhoda fellowship. But are these just for a show? Just like the leaves on the barren tree, are these activities meant to deceit people that I am godly and fruitful but deep inside, I am hollowed?

Right now, I am just throwing those questions at myself, seeking wisdom from God to help me find the answers. And I pray with a contrite heart, for God to forgive me if I've been like that fig tree.

Baptismal Testimony

<< Though I was ever-so excited to see the day when I will be water-baptized, I also dreaded that day, when I have to write my baptismal testimony. You see, I have always thought of myself as a poor writer. And to write one of the most important compositions of my life haunted me. But by God's grace, I have done it! To God be the glory! >>

I was born and raised to a Catholic family. Back then, I thought I was doing pretty well in life - I didn't hurt anybody, I read the Bible once in a while, went to mass every Sunday and prayed the rosary. I even went to a Catholic school.

I was oblivious to how grave my situation is until my then-officemate shared the gospel and invited me to attend a worship service of a Filipino-Chinese Church near our place. At first, I was irritated and made every excuses not to go. To stop him, I finally accepted the invite. "It's just one Sunday, and the church is nearby anyway", I thought.

At first, I was impressed by the grandeur of the church. The place was very well-kept. There were sermon handouts. The pastor had a good message prepared, and the people were very nice and welcome-y. These things made me come back week after week, supplying me with more knowledge about God and the Bible. But my heart was still hardened. I still didn't accepted Him as Lord and Ruler of my life.

Things had changed when I joined another church's youth camp. During my one-on-one session with our group counselor, she invited me to pray the sinner's prayer, but I declined. I was scared of the huge and life-long commitment (you know, you're dealing with God!). But she explained that even faith comes from God. After that session, in my room, I prayed to God, submitted all my fears to Him, asked for His forgiveness, and let Him take charge of my life.

Since then, my perspective in life had changed. I'm not anymore the person who lives to get what I want and strives hard to be what I wish to become. Living a single day with Him as the focus : to fear and love the God Who laid down Himself so that a worthless sinner like me can live, keeps me now going.

I am still a work-in-progress, I still have my fears while being inflicted by my brokenness. But I believed that God promised that "neither death, nor life...nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us [me] from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord".

I am, and will never be fulfilled as each day I walk closer with Him. All thanks and praises to God!

Getting It Right

It is been a while since I write...

Life has been pretty fast lately. The sad thing is I don't know if I am becoming a better person or not.

Work has been pretty challenging and time-consuming for a while now. And with the remaining time I have, I spend either being in front of my laptop or with Dan, who I love so much, I just want to be with him every time. I am also struggling physically - age is catching up on me and I feel uglier and fatter.

Spiritually, I am so distant from God. I read the Bible less. I do miss my QT often. I do things that I am not supposed to do, even though I know it's written in the Bible. I am so so ashamed of myself. So ashamed that I hide myself from Him.

It's ironic that I am saying (...or writing) all these 2 weeks before my Baptismal ceremony. And i want to quit...not the baptism, but all these slacking and being distracted with earthly things.

I want and I need to be right with God, again. Not just in time for the ceremony, but for the rest of my life.

Honestly, I do miss Him. Let David's prayer be my prayer for tonight...

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
- Psalm 51:10-14